*From the jacket copy of Calvin Trillan's, Runestruck: Could it be that a typical American town like Berryville, Maine is really Leif Ericson's fabled Vinland?

Didn't you really like that one, Clifford? You didn't like that—really? How do you think it compared to the one I wrote last week—'I'm Just a Loaner While You Wait for the Two-Door Hardtop of Your Dreams'? What is it, Duane? A big rock? Kind of round? Does the first word look like a 'C,' Duane? Kind of C-looking, is that what it's like? Duane? You mean you can read that weird writing? Duane Minnick? Which one is Duane Minnick? The one in the Army who hit his sergeant? For Christ sake, Mike, can't you see I'm in a hurry? And the people who wrote runic weren't called Runics? The vital point is this: Were they here in the Middle Ages? So this rock could mean there were explorers here? That guy down in the pothole didn't look like a roof repairman on his way to a job, did he, Art? Just hand me the goddamned coffee, will you, Mike? What's this I hear about the Minnick kid finding some rock? The Minnick kid in the Army that hit his sergeant? Well? You've never actually brought him in for anything, have you, Max? You think the stone could be a joke of Clifford's? Did anyone actually see Minnick bend down and pick up the stone? What kind of story you going to have about this in the Advance , Art? Do you happen to know, by chance, who the president of the Chamber of Commerce is this year? And do you happen to know the name of the publisher of this paper? A cup of the best? Where was she yesterday? Why don't you just come right out and ask her? Do you realize I might be mayor of the oldest settlement in the United States of America ? Do you realize what this could mean? You thinking of changing the name? Let's face it, Mike, what do we have for industry here now? Phosphate is nothing but bird-shit or something, right? What if it's a phony? What do you mean—'having the rock'? Who doesn't have it? What are you saying? Nobody has it? What happened then? But who had the stone when they left? Jesus, why did it have to be those two imbeciles who found the thing? Why couldn't the damned thing have washed up in front of you or Milly Duffrin or somebody? Do you understand that? Then you didn't have the stone with you when you left the library? Why are you so certain? What's that, Mr. Sprigg? Have you had this picture all along, Duane? May I ask you why you keep a Polaroid in the glove compartment of your Pontiac, Duane? Just between us? May I ask why you didn't tell Mr. Sprigg about the photograph? And you'd like to sell this photograph to the paper, would you? Aren't they all fakes? Have you had sufficient time to familiarize yourself with plaintiff's exhibit? But can't you tell it's a fake just from the inscription? And this one does? But how about this one? Are you trying to tell me that this inscription is so far from making any sense that it might be authentic? I don't suppose you have many first- and second-generation Americans up there in Berryville, do you? And what's the difference who was here first? Does that make the Italians something special? Shouldn't we at least wait until they figure out what the rock says? How can we have a runestone festival without a runestone? What bonds? What theme park? Where would it be, Your Honor? You sure we need a Viking Village , Larry? So why shouldn't the place that has the most important rock in the country sell rocks as souvenirs? What? What? What? What's he saying? What difference will it all make? What? What? What? What? What? Why Dangerous? Why Dangerous? Why dangerous? He's not considered very objective by scholars, then? But then, why did it disappear? And what if the Vikings didn't leave it there? But why can't they be the same person? Why couldn't whoever made the stone appear also make it disappear—knowing that a photograph would show that the stone had been here but not in a way that could be closely examined, or maybe even knowing that having it disappear would make it even more famous? I don't suppose you'd consider it an intrusion, would you, if I asked who was on the list? If the only Chinese family in town doesn't run the only Chinese restaurant, who will? Discovery as a source of ethnic legitimacy? The Pharaoh Necho, Mr. Jones? Is that right? Also, who would want to be called Miss. any kind of stone? What can I tell you? Why couldn't we just have left it in the oil pit or buried in the backyard, Clifford? Duane? Are you there, Duane? Do you, by chance, happen to know what kind of name Minnick is? What? Do you know its origins? What do you mean by that, mister? Is it possible that some of your ancestors were, say, Swedish or Danish? Are you quite sure? Are you saying that the 'Doctor' in front of Frank Trimani's name means he does know something about medicine? Could you have possibly said 'The Mob'? By that you mean organized crime, the syndicate, Cosa Nostra, the Mafia, the Black Hand—that sort of organization? If it turns out that Johnny-Three did have the stone concocted, the mob will lean on him because he had promoted Leif Ericson at the expense of Christopher Columbus? How can you talk to me about leaks at a time like this? What are you talking to me about leaks? Is all that Italian stuff bothering you, Larry? What Italian stuff? Let's just say, for instance, I'm thinking about myself strictly—O.K.? How about 'Leif's Leaky Lair'? Does the kid know he's going to be getting an award? Speaking of being scared to death, what's with the mobster these days? Did you know he once had a dog he named Full Frontal Nudity? I love a cold soup in the summer—don't you, John? Busy? Anything I can help you with? How do you like the way she looks in that new waitress uniform? Did you know the goddamned Jaycees can't find enough clams for the clambake? And your latest song isn't about the lost and found? Would you like to hear it? What are you into, Clifford? What's your thing? Yeah, Clifford? Could you do that really, Clifford? Clifford? Short words, O.K.? Has it occurred to you that the discovery of the stone has been good for the town's spirit as well as for its commerce? Did you happen to see the Channel 3 news from Portland last night, Mr. Jones? How is that new santo of his coming? And may I ask you how you're able to put your hands on crabs of this quality? What's the problem? Did you have trouble persuading some of the float drivers that the pothole they've feared since childhood is really gone? Do you think Larry's going to last the day? It's great to be here, isn't it, Kitty? Isn't there any way we can arrest them, Max? You got the speech, Clifford? Isn't that something, Kitty? You O.K., Larry? You can't believe what, Larry? Didn't Time call up the paper to ask about a story, Art? Who's Fornus Mitchell? Larry? Have you been holding out news on us again, Art? Well, what is it? Would you say, Mr. Sprigg, Jones said, that the conflict between the summer people and the Main Street merchants is a conflict between the landed middle class and the entrepreneurial middle class? Did I ever tell you my cousin's experience in that field, Mr. Sprigg? You mean the cousin who was chef in the Rumanian-Jewish restaurant? What were the results of the study, Mr. Jones? I can call you John—O.K.? Or Jack? Why? To prove his independence? To make a fool out of his own father? What? But doesn't that mean that he cooked up the whole thing? What? But why would we have to prove it? What? What? What's he saying? What'd he say? What are you talking about? Heather? But how could it be Heather? Who else knows about this, Sam? Well, why does anybody else have to know? Why not let him get away with it? Why not just go ahead and float some bonds and try to get the land from Ronnie and start the theme park? Why not? The experts can't show the stone is a fake, so how can you be so sure it is? What if all this stuff about good clamming around the boulder is a coincidence? Or, even, if it isn't, how do you know that Heather's boyfriend didn't plant a real runestone near that boulder—a stone he found a few miles down the coast, maybe—so his own town could be Vinland? Yes? I beg your pardon? Who? I couldn't spoil that for him, could I? Important edifices? Heather, you haven't been reading books, have you? What makes you think this is low tide? What do you mean—you hope so? You mean we should tell everyone that little pissant Duane Minnick reburied the stone? How are we going to bribe him to say something like that?